Uterine Soliloquy – a sequel Or, “To Bleed or not to Bleed?” ©2003 Joan M. McCabe

This sequel came out both in the Ticket in September 2003, and on www.kotapress.com about six weeks later...

Uterine Soliloquy – a sequel Or, “To Bleed or not to Bleed?” ©2003 Joan M. McCabe

Women have been sharing with me their happy uterus and not-so-happy hysterectomy stories. One woman had a myomectomy (an operation just to remove the fibroids) after years of heavy periods and successfully kept her uterus. She validated for me how much time and attention this constant bleeding takes – I’d been questioning how much of my day this issue occupied.

Another woman shared that she’d had a hysterectomy – which her insurance covered – only after she’d run out of money for alternative therapies – which her insurance didn’t cover. She didn’t know there were other medical, surgical and non-surgical treatment options that her insurance most likely would have paid for.

Another told me that she developed fibroids when she was 46 and is 52 now. She still has heavy periods but has learned how to deal with them. For example, she lives on Maury Island and during her period can’t drive from her house to the ferry without flooding through her pants, so she just brings a backpack with a change of clothes. (I listened to this and thought, and men wonder why menopausal women are so grouchy!)

A colleague of mine had a vaginal hysterectomy for fibroids. The doctors had underestimated how large the tumors were, and they tore ligaments as they were being taken out. She is now facing reconstructive surgery.

An acquaintance of mine manages her heavy periods from fibroids by using a special herbal tincture which prevents flooding.

A woman I know had taken the Pill for two months to stop bleeding and then underwent a fibroid embolization. During the procedure she suffered a pulmonary embolism – a blood clot in her lung (a side effect of the Pill) and nearly died.

After the Ticket article came out, I received an anonymous voicemail from a woman sharing her fibroid story – over 20 years ago had a myomectomy, had an easy time getting pregnant, and the fibroids never returned.

A good friend had battled endometriosis since her mid twenties and finally had a complete hysterectomy – ovaries and all – in her early thirties. Now, in her late thirties and after being on hormone replacement therapy for five years, her endometriosis has grown back.

Myself, I’ve been through a series of events and revelations that have brought about a breakthrough and perhaps a miracle in my own fibroid journey.

I’d bled all August, even while taking 3-6 birth control pills a day to try to stop it. (Normally a woman only needs to take one a day to prevent her period). Also, I’d been having heartburn and an uncomfortable sense of fullness, a pressure on my diaphragm. When I was pregnant with both my kids, I had three months of morning sickness and six months of heartburn. Could I be having heartburn because this fibroid was the size of a three month old fetus? Was the pressure from this tumor pushing my organs upwards? (Later I learned that they actually do measure fibroids in terms of fetal size. “I have a 4 month fibroid.” “I have a 12 week fibroid.”)

One weekend I went to the Hood Canal and had a breakthrough while walking the labyrinths at Harmony Hills, which is known for their retreats for cancer patients. I felt my inner wisdom surfacing - I don’t need to fight Western Medicine – I can take all the time I need to decide how I want to create my reality. Also, I’d questioned my sanity in desiring someone to be with me on this journey and realized it’s entirely possible that someone out there could get on this boat midstream. I needed to release all my limiting thoughts and beliefs.

A few days later I had a Body Talk session with Katarina Hirsch. She mentioned that my stomach was soft. Yeah, with the amount of ice cream I’d been eating recently she was probably feeling a good five extra pounds of fat. But she was right. Before my stomach had been hard and smooth – the same way your abdomen feels when pregnant. This felt jelly like, the way it feels after giving birth. And I no longer had heartburn or a sense of fullness.

My acupuncturist was concerned about possible side affects from taking so much of the Pill for so long. Yes I’d had occasional heart palpitations, and a catching of my breath, but I’d talked with my doctor who wasn’t concerned. I decided she was being overly cautious. But one Sunday morning, I felt a deep pressure on my chest, momentarily making it hard to breath. It was followed by chest pain. I sat there with my eyes closed wondering how seriously to take the symptoms. No way in hell did I want to call doctors for anything. The only medical professionals I wanted to hear from were Johns Hopkins about my participating in their clinical trials. When I got home I looked up the Pill on the Mayo clinic’s home page, and its various side affects. I had a whole lot that fell into the category of pulmonary embolism. It said you could be accumulating several small clots over time. I read that the treatment, beyond major hospitalization, was to take ibuprofen or aspirin. So I stopped the pill cold-turkey and began taking several ibuprofen every four hours. I felt another episode than evening, and another Monday morning, and none after that.

When the flooding kicked in again, I chose not to resist it. I’d been fighting my bleeding for months. What would happen if I just stocked up on tampons and pads and considered it a never-ending period? Some pre-menopausal women have periods that last for six months, so I could just pretend this fibroid-caused bleeding is the same thing. I also stocked up on iron supplements and vitamin B12. I ordered tinctures from Joseph Montagna, a healer in Portland (http://www.alternativescentral.com/) and felt an immediate reaction. I gave my photo to Tammy Dunakin, to take to John of God in Brazil, a miraculous healer to people who visit him and those who send their photos, (http://www.johnofgod.com/ ). The flooding ebbed back to a regular period flow – just the same as in August taking 3-6 birth control pills a day.

I felt in the midst of something momentous. It’s taken a huge amount of energy to break through this wall of prevalent reality – the predominant belief of Western Medicine to cut first and ask questions later. (Kind of like the Bush Administration) I’d been hitting my face against this wall through my own resistance, which is not the energy that’s going to create my present needed miracle. When I fight something, I give it power; I actually attract what I’m resisting. After seeing ‘Whalerider’ I dreamt that I’m on an island trying to leave and keep hitting the Great Barrier Reef. I’d been using the metaphor of being on a river and hitting white water to describe my journey so far, having no idea where I’d end up. Perhaps my destination is the open ocean?

I joined the Y – because I used to exercise when I had periods, so why not now? This fibroid has controlled my quality of life long enough.

I stopped giving attention to Western Medicine’s version of reality. I aligned myself only with people who’ve experienced miracles within them. I’m inspired by a woman I know healed herself of an ectopic pregnancy. Another who recovered from post-polio syndrome; a year ago she could barely walk and now she’s hoofing it everywhere. A woman who was diagnosed with scleroderma and given five years to live, even less when it spread to her brain – and the disease is completely gone from her system now, six years later. And last week a new friend told me that several years ago it was discovered that she had a tumor growing from her jugular vein up to her eardrum. She had just had three dates with this guy and told him he didn’t have to stay with her as it was going to get ugly and hard – she didn’t know if she was going to live or die. He chose to stay by her through two surgeries and radiation and is now her husband. It made me realize that it’s possible to have someone get on board with you in the midst of white water. Encouraged by these amazing women, I got very clear that what I’d like to happen is for this continuous bleeding to stop and to go back to having regular periods.

I get Dr. Christiane Northrup’s book “The Wisdom of Menopause’ from the library and find at last the sensible and balanced information I’d been seeking about having fibroids. It lists reasons to keep your uterus, cervix and ovaries. Two stood out for me. The first was that ovaries are the equivalent of the male testes, producing hormones involved in normal sex drive, “Removal of the ovaries literally castrates the female” it says! The second was that the uterus has rhythmic contractions during orgasm, and many women no longer experience the depth of sexual pleasure after hysterectomy. I discover that her ‘Women’s Body, Women’s Wisdom’ has been on my book shelf all along – and it contains similar information.

My photo went to Brazil on September 22nd. On September 24th, my bleeding stopped. Five months and ten days after it started. I don’t know if it’s the acupuncture or the tinctures, John of God, or my change of attitude. I suspect it’s a combination of all three. People tell me I seem softer and more relaxed. It’s true I no longer feel frightened or desperate or urgent. I’m curious to see what happens now. Will I have regular periods again? Have I stopped altogether? It’s amazing all the changes that have happened since April.

Johns Hopkins emailed that they have 200 women on their waiting list and are only accepting one new patient a week. Good thing I’m no longer waiting for a miracle from them!

And to think I could have had a hysterectomy in August.