Navigating the Rocks - My first Vlog Post!

Money musings

I'm a follower of the Busting Loose approach as put forth in Robert Scheinfeld's "Busting Loose From The Money Game" (and the soon to be published "Busting Loose From The Business Game". It incorporates much of what I've already believed and taught but takes it to the next level.

There are many out there who say that working 8-5, five days a week, 50+ weeks a year, is not the way to get ahead financially. I've noticed that the lowest paying jobs are the ones that require the most effort, and the ones that bring in the most per hour require skill or talent or artfulness, but not effort.

The other thing I've noticed is that often money does not come from where I expect it to -- I used to call it 'working for God', when I worked for my former Church for a very low salary, support came out from left field, from places other than what provided my paycheck.

There are many manifestation techniques for money. Setting goals and intentions help on one level, but can get bogged down with effort. Law of Attraction has you focus only on what you want, but let go of the how you're going to get it. It's called the Art of Attraction, because it is an art to learn to let go and receive from the Universe.

Scheinfeld's unique take is that all money is an Expression of Appreciation. When you pay for something, you're expressing appreciation for it, or it's service. I appreciate my mortgage company providing my house, the restaurant providing the meal, the credit card company allowing me to purchase everything I've bought. When you receive money, it's an expression of appreciation to you. This may be appreciation for the work you've done, but if it comes from out of left field or as a surprise windfall, it's Appreciation from your Expanded Self of how capable you are, just for being You!

What I mean by that last statement is that, like the birds of the air or lilies of the field, you're taken care of by your Expanded Self. Excuse me, I just blew my self out by going to an on-line bible to find the exact quotation. It's from Matthew 6, and it says you can't serve both God and money and then goes on to talk about not to worry about food (birds do not sow nor reap) or clothing (lilies do not toil nor spin). When you read it from your inner Truth, your clear-seeing (the eye is the lamp of the body) you can strip away centuries of misinterpretation.

Anyhow, I didn't mean for this to become a sermon. I really just started it because I was dealing with some confusion and external energy. This morning I asked my Expanded Self for more than just 'cookies' (little validations of the Truth) but for solid verification.

I was hoping for a winning lotto ticket or big check in the mail.

So in conclusion (since I have a coaching session shortly and must finish this musings) - practice Appreciation, both giving, receiving and just moment to moment, and see what happens!

White eagle scribings

I had a slight window this morning where I felt Connected, and an awareness of my own Truth. I let the dogs out and was putting the gate on the stairway to the yard, when some random thought brought the aliveness of the evergreens around me into sharp focus.

Whenever the colors in nature become clearly defined, I know I'm Connected. It's an inner sense of an outer Awareness. It's something I pay attention to, and to which I look forward.

Recently, with the Busting Loose work, I've had more of a sense of disconnection and un-reality. Things will suddenly feel like a movie set, that trees are merely props, for instance. This usually indicated to me that everything *isn't* real, but just a creation of my Consciousness.

Matrix is a bit the same way, standing in line at the bank or in the grocery aisle, I'll get a wave of energy and will wobble or lean backwards at bit. It's in indication that I'm 'in the Matrix' or have dropped down into that level of awareness. It's disconcerting because it doesn't feel grounded or balanced.

When I went to write this, someone's energy was in my space. It had been coming on for the last half hour or so. It's communication from one of the males in my life, either one of my sons or my husband. It's hard to focus, because male energy is a heavier vibration than my own and makes me feel like I want to cry. (They're perfectly happy in it. They could simply be wanting me to pick something up from the store)!

So this is what it's like navigating through the world on an energetic level.

I know I'm on the edge of a big breakthrough. I've had glimmers, previews of it.

Last week while watching a clip from What The Bleep on Journey To The Infinite, Amit Goswami said that atoms aren't really atoms but merely possibilities. That everything you see in front of you, including the camera was simply formed from your perception. It's a more sophisticated way to say that your Consciousness creates what you see. It's along the lines of the experiment with a electron projector (mentioned in Lynne McTaggert's The Field, and also Richard Bartlett's Matrix Energetics) where the video tape caught the electron behaving differently when the scientists were out of the room. Their expectations affected the behavior of the electrons.

So what we expect creates our reality.

I feel on the brink of busting loose. Things have become so bizarre recently anyway, that it has no where else to go but down the rabbit hole and out and through.

I wish there was a way that I could feel grounded and comfortable with this at the same time. So when reality shifts, it's like an 'oh, sure, I knew that was going to happen' feeling. No big deal. The Universe has permanently changed. It's Monday. Whatever.

So that when everyone else freaks out because of my changes, I won't be knocked sideways by them.

I need to eat something before my client calls for a Matrix Session. More on this later.

Submission to the Oprah Show on Prayer and Healing

In 2003 I had a period that went on for 6 months; heavy, clotting bleeding. I became anemic. At first they thought it was cancer but then diagnosed it as a fibroid. It grew from golf ball size to softball size in 3 months. They prescribed birth control pills to control the bleeding (it didn't), which sent me on an emotional roller coaster ride. The only recommendation was a hysterectomy "you're over 40; you don't need your womb". I felt like I was being railroaded towards the operation, that the attitude was 'cut first and ask questions later. I researched and discovered alternative treatments but the radiologist nixed them. As a single parent and self-employed I couldn't afford a major operation nor did I want it. I felt like I was battling a giant wall of Western Medicine.

I went to a friend who is a Drama Therapist. I did a chair exercise between me and God and came to the conclusion: no hysterectomy. I realized the pills were making the tumor grow and I was starting to experience side effects (pulmonary embolism), so quit taking them. I also quit anything that would affect my hormonal balance – no soymilk, no milk or meat (contains hormones), etc. I began taking daily doses of iron which helped the anemia. I threw myself into alternative treatments, acupuncture, tinctures, castor oil packs, and even sent my photo to John of God in Brazil. I asked to be restored to normal periods.

The day my photo arrived in Brazil, the bleeding stopped. A few weeks later it started again, then stopped. When it began a few weeks after that, I realized my cycle was returning to normal! I’m now 49 and still have regular periods, plus an increased trust and communication with my body. I believe the ordeal was a lesson to strengthen my connection with Source. (After it was all over, I discovered Christiane Northrup’s books which had calm, sensible and wise suggestions for managing fibroids – guidance I wish I had earlier)!

Scribe ings

Just walked to town during a snow storm (wimpy by New England standards, very exciting by Seattle standards)! I'm writing this from the libary for a small break before walking home.

It was quite an adventure. I bundled myself up, taped plastic bags around the bottom of my jeans, put on earmuffs, a hat, and pulled the hood up on my stadium coat. My husband's snow gloves were a smart addition - kept my hands warm because of the extra room in the fingers!

I had a jolly time walking. My hat ended up being low on my forehead so I couldn't see very well. It was like being inside a snowglobe. Just me, my thoughts, and my Expanded Self.

I wanted to have a conversation about the issues I've been working on - fear, foundation, the need to be being taken care of (a driving force since I was 22), to name a few. The thing is, my Expanded Self responded immediately with one sentence to each issue, so it wasn't much of a talk.

Fear is a body issue, bodies are concerned about survival as life and death is very real to them. I got an immediate picture of the whole game, with bodies being a part, and the programming that holds everything together. But this is an illusion, bodies are an illusion, survival is an illusion. How can Tibetan lamas levitate or control their body tempatures in artic conditions, how can Indian gurus stop their hearts and start them again, how can there be spontaneous healing, people defying the statistics for AIDS and cancer, if this were a solid and set reality?

Foundation is within. When I asked about this I felt solid in my lower abdomen. I realized I was focused and asking this from my heart, but the response was lower. First chakra. Except chakras are an illusion, too. But this is my focusing point, this illusion of a body, so it's my foundation within the physical.

The need to be taken care of. I immediately got that all my needs *are* taken care of. Everything that unfolds is perfect, my Expanded Self is creating this all down to the smallest detail. Everything *is* being taken care of. But, but, but...

Not a satisfying response to a body that wants to feel secure and loved. (You ARE loved, I immediately hear). I want to win the lotto, so I'm financially taken care of forever (or at least for the 26 annual payouts). I don't want any more surprises or heartaches in my life. So that means my kids have to be happy and taken care of for the rest of *their* lives, too. Or at least until they're 73 and 76, since an on-line insurance quiz said I'd live to be 104. Everything has to be hearts and flowers for everyone.

Sounds like I want to live in a Disney movie, without the villians.

Even writing about this has triggered a deep, deep thread in me. It's probably a core resonance for everyone, stemming from infancy when we *needed* to be taken care of, or die. And I realize this loops back to everything I've been writing about - this is an illusion, the body is an illusion, this is part of the survival program that holds this illusion together.

I got the picture of one of those robotic babies that they given teenagers in Health Class (okay at schools with big budgets; other kids just get 5# bags of flour). The babies are programmed to cry, to need to be changed, be fed, and will stop working if these needs aren't responded to. We're all walking around in giant robotic babies. And mine takes over typing this blogpost occasionally.

What I do about this is to see myself as both the one with the need and the one able to take care of it. There's a wise, all knowing part of me, my inner Obi-Wan, and when I imagine it stepping forward, the needy part of me is comforted.

The library is closing early (no surprise), so I think Obi-Wan and C3PO are going to walk home now.

One Big Thirdstep

I've been working with Eileen Murray, www.thelivingconnection.com who does Akashic Records readings. As I was consulting with her about the changes in my life she kept repeating the message (and I paraphrase) to surrender into the Transcendence. And it reminded me of two slogans:

Turn It Over
and
Let Go and Let God

I've always said that nothing ever happens to you that you ultimately can't handle, but sometimes something occurs that feels overwhelming. That's when it's comforting to know that you can rely on an intelligence greater than yourself (although I'm coming to believe it really is my Expanded Self).

She led me through a meditation that helped me open up and feel this Transpersonal Love flow into me; I felt it coming in behind me, into my upper back and head. Wrapped in it, I felt all the strong emotions fade away and knew that everything was going to be all right.

I spent the remainder of the day with a sense of inner clarity. Although the future is uncertain, resting into this energy reassures me that all is very, very well.

Today I'm noticing the old feelings surfacing, but I realize that they're not mine. It's sad to see people who don't have this connection, especially at this time. They feel lost and fearful. They take the prevalent reality as real. Their only option is to suffer or rage or be depressed. It's too bad, because regardless of the economy, global warming, the war or whatever else is in the headlines, serenity is possible. Peace is just a turnaround thought away.

Whenever faced with a crisis (which really isn't a crisis but just another life event) I've found help in the first three Twelve Steps. Which are, basically, "I can't, God (or whatever you define as God) can, I think I'll let God". It helps to slow down and focus on the next indicated thing. Since I can't control the outer circumstances, or other people, I'll just work on myself. I'll respond to whatever requires responding, but I also know I often wait 24 hours before I do.

Anyway, the big lesson for me is to strengthen my partnership with Spirit/Source/whatever you'd like to call It. When I'm in agreement with It, then all things fall into place. Which leads me to the Serenity Prayer -
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (everything outside of myself). The courage to change the things I can (me). And the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm not big on prayer, although I do have favorites (The Serenity Prayer and the Prayer of St. Francis are among them), I usually just have conversations with the Universe, whom I like to call 'Hey U'. But prayer does have the powerful energy of invocation, so can be helpful at times when a normal connection with the Infinite
isn't possible. We each have a inner cellular connection, but sometimes there's emotional interference. It's helpful to know the Other Party can hear us, even if we can't hear Them.

At those times, you just have to go forward, one moment at a time. That's what Faith is, trusting in the unseen, trusting in the unknown, and knowing that, ultimately, all is very, very well.

more Mystic musings

I'm back from helping to staff at the Matrix Seminar in Seattle, which is always an amazing growth experience. This was the easiest one for me yet, in that I'm totally committed to the Matrix experience, so there was no inner resistance going on.

Also, this was the first one in Seattle that I didn't have my husband visit for an evening, meaning my focus could be totally on the Seminar. And, since May, my father has been battling cancer, so there has been external energy from that.

I made many heart-space connections with people, and had fun connecting participants. For instance, there were 600 attending, and maybe 6 or 8 from Calgary, Alberta that didn't know each other. A a couple from Anchorage that didn't know the group of 4 from Anchorage (that was a little more challenging to hook up, for some reason). Finally, there was a former Russian physicist from White Plains, NY whom I connected to a Romanian psychiatrist from NYC, and then gave their info to the Master Practitioner who holds study groups there.

And I goofed two or three times with communications: one was misinterpreting an instruction, and two were due to misunderstanding whom to talk to about something.

However I was pleased that for the most part I was able to stay clear and centered, and not overwhelmed with outside interference.

Of course now I'm home and facing the fallout for having changed so much, surprising in its intensity but not unexpected.

My horoscope for this week says that there's "huge acceleration and movement' this week with the full moon on Friday, and my horoscope for the month said that it will push people's panic button, so just stand fast and it will smooth out by the end of the month.

Not panicking has been a theme for this year, it seems.

I've been hunkering down and just getting through it, so far, but it hasn't really changed a longstanding pattern. It's time to do something different. An image I have is of swimming through a heavy current of energy. Hunkering down is really just letting the current affect you. Swimming gives you a chance of moving beyond it.

Better go put on my wetsuit!

A day in the life of an empath

Yesterday I took my eldest son to the airport to return to college. We arrived three hours before his domestic flight, so I came in and sat with him a while. I noticed some fear beneath my first chakra and wondered what that meant. I was energetically a little 'off', partly because of the early hour and partly because I was on my way to observe a Matrix Energetics practice in Lynnwood, which always puts me in another dimension.

I talked a little about Matrix to him, because of his knee (he had surgery on his ACL three years ago, and it still hurts him). Told him my cat story - doing Matrix on a 17 yr old cat about to be put down; it's now 19 and climbing trees, no longer deaf and arthritic. Felt I planted seeds in his consciousness that his knee could be different and plan to do some distance Matrix on him...

On my way out, I was aware of grief/male energy, although I wasn't certain it was him. I got to Lynnwood two hours before I needed to be there so went to Fred Meyer to shop. Called my husband about the grocery list, and learned my youngest son had left the lunch I made him and his cell phone.

Maybe both the fear and the grief was his? Maybe the fear was my eldest's - not being comfortable with airports, etc.? Just another day in the life of an empath.

I'm going to be writing about Foundations on my weekly ezine and want to sort it out here first.

Scribe-lings

I've decided to stop watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, because even if they're faux news, they're still news. I'm wanting to distance myself from those morphic fields.

Sometime in October I found myself getting sucked into the election, even though I'd managed to maintain detachment for the last year or eight (or sixteen). I really started to worry about who'd get elected. As if it were real or had any direct bearing on my life.

I sat down with my absentee ballot and carefully poured over the election pamphlet before marking my boxes - all democrat. I found myself wanting to influence my husband's choices as well, but had the presence of mind to keep my mouth shut.

The irony is, the Republican's had my ballot pulled for signature verification, so my votes never got counted. Everyone I'd marked got elected anyway, so it ultimately didn't matter.

Then a couple days ago I found myself watching reruns of The West Wing and knew I it was time to stop.

This time five years ago I became totally hooked on The West Wing. I'd successfully avoided it up until then. I grew up in the DC area and at one time lived ten blocks from the White House. Dinnertime conversations sounded a lot like West Wing dialogue, except we were staunchly Republican (my mother still is).

I would watch The West Wing four times a day, and was particularly focused on Alison Janney's character. She was whom my father wished I would be, except Republican. Alison Janney is 6' tall - and height is a big thing in my family, no pun intended. I'm only 5'9" - the shortest woman amongst my cousins, nieces and aunt. She had a prestigious job, initially press secretary and then, in the final season, Chief of Staff, definitely something to boast about. I've spent my life under the radar, a minister for an alternative Church, an intuitive reader, energy healer, something hard to explain at DC cocktail parties. She had no life except for work. I've been a single parent to two boys for the last ten years, and all of my decisions were made considering their best interest rather than my own. And she lived in DC. I've spent the last 27 years on an island in the Puget Sound, pop. 10,000.

It took a while to detach from that show, it was so real inside my head. It won't take me long to detox from the news. I'm aware of morphic fields now, and that I have the choice whether to swim in that vibration or not.

If you immerse yourself in the news, you allow that vibration into your life. You may not like what you're watching, but you're letting it influence you nonetheless. And the news isn't real, it's a dramatization of supposed facts. It's part of the design of the Dichotomy Game on this planet.

What I notice is if I pay attention to something, it starts to become real in my space, and then it influences what shows up in my reality. If I focus somewhere else, then the energy fades.

When I decided to stop drinking eight years ago, it was remarkable to notice what dropped away from my life. Alcoholics, mostly, but also the dark and chaotic energy around them as well. That energy still wafts through my awareness, but I don't engage with it any more.

In paying attention to the news, things that normally don't touch my life have started showing up. I'm self-employed and I don't own stock, so the stock market numbers aren't of any importance to me. But it's had a ripple effect in the story line and I'm noticing myself taking numbers seriously.

Even as I'm writing this, I'm aware of old beliefs coming up that are actually limitations. The idea that if a lot of people believe in something, then it's more powerful or more real. But even the concept that there are 'a lot of people' is questionable, when it's really part of the illusion, the game programming.

Another idea I have is, because I'm self-employed, my personal energy level is important. I need to keep myself balanced and focused or else I won't attract the business I want. This means I have judgment about my energy level - high is good, low is bad, I need to stay positive to attract positive things, etc.

At this point in my personal game, all I need to do is reclaim power from these limiting ideas. And recognize them as patterns in the morphic field. What initially feels like a huge, plexiglas wall, becomes a thin film, and eventually pops like a bubble.

And the moment I do, the news will be reporting something else...

Mystic Musings resurrected.

I had an Akashic Records reading yesterday, and the archetype of the Scribe came forth. It was the energy of writing (obviously) but also the energy of bringing new information into the world that's apparently not been here before.

I was uncomfortable with the idea of being the channel of this information, because my experience of people on the leading edge is that they're ungrounded. Being ungrounded, to me, is not safe. It may seem that I belly-flop through life, throwing myself into the new and not staying very long, but that's not entirely accurate.

I'm a kinesthetic learner, meaning I learn by doing. And I'm into practice not theory, meaning it has to have a practical application. I live and breathe the things I believe, I have to embody them and walk with them. They have to be real. And then I add them to my spiritual toolkit that I use in moving forward in this world.

Spiritual isn't airy-fairy to me, it's not ethereal (=ungrounded). Spiritual is embodiment with a greater energy and perspective than a ground-level view. It's bringing our higher Consciousness into this physical form. It's living day-to-day with greater awareness. It's hard work.

With my most recent forays into Matrix Energetics and Busting Loose, it took me nine months each time to fully stop judging the men who created them, even though I knew the information was real. I judged Richard for being ungrounded and therefore not creating a safe space for transformation (then realized he has a whole support team that are holding the space in seminars for him). I'm still not entirely trusting of him as there's some ego stuff going on as his work is gaining public attention. I judged Robert for dissing Law of Attraction and other personal growth things (which I see as valuable stepping stones to this level of awareness). I sensed some narcissism with his interpretation of Phase II. And I still struggle with what sounds like viewing this reality two dimensionally, like a video game, when I suspect it's just the language he uses is limited.

It's interesting that I'm not judging Mark Dunn (who co-created Matrix and is now doing his own thing). I see him acting with integrity, without ego, and with an amount of centeredness - he doesn't ground, per se but he is 'dropped down' into the physical, while teaching expanded spiritual information.

And yet I don't fully agree with Mark either, who feels that the earth is dying and we all need to accelerate ASAP, before 2012. I think that perhaps the energy of the earth is withdrawing from his hologram, and he interprets this as dying.

I did have an unnerving experience this summer when teaching grounding the room. My students and I stepped outside to ground the property and when I went to do it, I experienced the Matrix wave instead. There was *no* center of the Earth, it *was* just like STNG's Holodeck, and beneath it only outer space.

I've been very attached to the concept of grounding ever since I learned the technique in 1981. I energetically connect my 1st chakra to the center of the earth. But if this *is* all a holographic illusion, then there is no center. There are no chakras. Okay, that freaks me out.

And that's what's going on right now, for everyone, on lots of different levels. Illusions are disintegrating. Things people have been certain are real, aren't. However, so many of those things are clearly projections. Just look at the last 8 years in the United States. It's been ruled through the projection of fear. It's a great way to control the masses. Homeland Security was created not to bring more security but to accelerate fear. The war on Terrorism has only created more terror.

What's coming to mind is that we need to find our own inner safety. We need to dissolve the illusion that the world is an unsafe place. All the things that feel threatening are coming to light for us to recognize, question and break through.

I think about difference between the Old Testament God and the New Testament God. The Old Testament God was vengeful and jealous and threw plagues of frogs down upon you. The New Testament God was paternal, compassionate and someone you could talk to. However the New Testament Version still gets confused or mixed with the Old one, so you can't really trust it. And even so, we're evolving to an Inner God that is Us. The Old Testament God was far removed, the New Testament God was closer, and the God-Self is internalized. It's the evolution of Spirit into Form.

And perhaps *that's* what we need to be grounding into.

new blog

You have found Joan's old blog! Her new blog (that contains most of these articles plus *many* new ones) is Adventures In Density And Effort www.jmnewcomb.blogspot.com - look forward to seeing you there!

Projections ©2006 Joan M Newcomb

Projections ©2006 Joan M Newcomb

As we’re nearing the end of this year, and this holiday season, I’ve been musing about projections. Projections are energy that’s projected through our pictures or concepts. Typically projection has a negative connotation – that it’s a limitation or misinterpretation of what’s really going on. But it occurred to me that projection can be very positive as well. Intentions are an example of a pro-active projection; sending out a positive energy for things to go successfully.

Being empathic, I’ve struggled with the effects of someone’s pessimistic projections – whether they’re thinking poorly of me (or whomever I remind them of) or they’re thinking the circumstances are going badly. But over the holidays I had a great opportunity to turn that around. I expected to have a wonderful holiday and expected to have a wonderful time with my relatives and my new in-laws, and I did. (Expectations are also an example of projections).

Recently a client of mine was expressing concern over talking with some of her business contacts. She expected that they would react negatively to what she would be saying. I asked her what it would be like if they were actually fine with the information, or even (surprisingly) pleased. Projecting a positive outcome before picking up the phone can effect what you receive from the person on the other side.

Everyone is talking about goals and goal setting as we approach January 1st. Projections are different than goals because there’s emotions attached. It’s creating a picture to view your world through that brings up feelings. It’s the energy of feelings that gets projected to the world around you. When you take charge of your projections, by consciously choosing how you view the world, you can change your reality immediately. A common term for this is ‘re-framing’, but the idea of consciously projecting gives it more of a three-dimensional perspective.

This ties in with the Law of Attraction, because you can be projecting an energy that attracts, or an energy that repels. Think about it.

One fun and effortless way to play with this is to set an intention as you fall asleep for what the next day is going to be like. What you’ve done is constructed a picture for yourself, and when you wake up you view the world through that picture. You can also decide in advance what it’s going to feel like when you do a particular activity or go to a particular event. People naturally do that when they go to parties or concerts. What if you did that before you go to work? The night before, set an intention that the next day at work is going to be fun, the meeting is going to be full of happy people, everyone’s going to get along, etc. etc. (you can substitute the word ‘work’ with school, family gathering, or whatever applies to your particular situation). See what happens the next day!

And yes, you can do the same with an entire month or even an entire year. A slightly different twist when you’re working with a period longer than a day is to imagine a timeline in front of you. You can decide whether it’s your life in general, your career path, your relationship path, or any other path you choose. You can project along the path what you want it to be like. Some people are quite detailed -- even planting flowers along their imaginary paths! Some just fill the path with energy, gold sunlight, loving pink, vibrant red, healing blue. It projecting the energy (or emotion) you want to experience into your future.

So have a happy 2007 (or whatever you want to project it to be)!

Matrix Transformation (c)2006 Joan M. Newcomb

Matrix Transformation (c)2006 Joan M. Newcomb

A year-long Clairvoyant Readers training program that I’ve been leading is coming to completion. My intention was to teach people nearly everything I know (I say ‘nearly’ as 25 years’ worth of metaphysical work can’t really be passed on in only a year)!

When I’ve studied with different spiritual communities, one thing I’ve noticed is that people were never trained to the same level as the people at the top. That may be because the founders had many years of experience they couldn’t easily pass on, but I suspect a strong reason with some upper echelons was job security – what would happen if the teachers taught their students everything they knew?

My personal discovery (to answer that question) is that you move to a next level yourself.

My next level has turned out to be Matrix Energetics.

Matrix Energetics is a quantum form of transformation. It takes my belief that we live in a holographic universe, that we each exist in our own personal ‘holodeck’ (to borrow from Star Trek the Next Generation) and we’ve forgotten that we’re the one’s who program the computer, and gives us the means to *really* change our reality in astounding and often instantaneous ways.

At my first introductory seminar I got the picture that I’d been viewing spirituality from a very physical viewpoint. If you consider that the physical world is made up of density, effort, time and space, an analogy would be that, as spirit, it’s like being under water. I thought that the spiritual level then was like being above water, in oxygen. I’ve realized that it’s still seeing spirit from a physical viewpoint. Under water you experience the density of H2O; you feel gravity, currents, tides, and temperature. However, the oxygen realm also has gravity, wind currents, temperatures, etc. Spirit is outside of all of that. The nearest I could come to describing it is outer space (except we still experience gravity in relation to the Sun). Deepak Chopra refers to it as the Void, the space beyond (and even that, being a distance word, doesn’t accurately describe it) subatomic particles.

We access this area not with our intellect but with our imagination.

Matrix Energetics is a series of techniques you can use to bring whatever change you can imagine into physical form. It was developed by a chiropractor/naturopath, Dr. Richard Bartlett, so his initial focus was on physical body changes, but you can take the basic information and apply it to physical reality changes as well.

My experience with this has been sometimes exhilarating and sometimes unnerving. I’ve usually talked about spiritual transformation being like remodeling a house; the intent being to make things better but living with the sheetrock dust and plastic covering the windows can be uncomfortable. This has been more like… let’s evaporate a portion of this house and replicate something different in its place. (That sentence doesn’t make sense if you use the word ‘replicate’ as to ‘copy’ or ‘duplicate’, but if you think of STNG’s ‘replicator’, you’ll get what I mean).

It’s understandable why teachers and leaders want job security, want not to go to the next level themselves. Change like this can be *very* uncomfortable. I rather like being an expert, being skilled with my techniques, smoothly navigating my way through life. This has been a very vulnerable time, at least from my personality POV. However it’s taking me to my next area of expansion, it’s giving me a new way to create my life, as Spirit it’s been incredibly exciting. I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone (yet again) but I know that soon I’ll be comfortable but in a larger, newer awareness.

Rather than make this an infomercial for Matrix Energetics (more information can be found at www.matrixenergetics.com ), I want this to be an encouragement for each of you to go to *your* next level of transformation. Also, don’t be afraid to give away all that you know. It will open you to new possibilities, new ways of being. All you need to do is allow the notion that you create your reality and your life can be different than it is now to float out of your head and out to the Universe and all sorts of synchronicities will begin occurring. If you’re reading this, you must have already done so, and this article has been one of those synchronicities!

The Bigger Picture ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

The Bigger Picture ©2006 Joan M. McCabe
Your life is a movie, created by you. You call in the players, determine whether it’s a drama or a comedy, and continue to write the story plot as you progress through your life. I think of the people who’ve come and gone within my own life as cast members, some have non-recurring roles, some occasionally guest star in intermittent episodes.

In movies on the screen, the bad guy is just an actor whose been hired to do the role. They play the villain, terrorize the victim, get shot by the good guy, and afterwards when the filming has stopped, everyone gets up, takes off their makeup, shakes hands and goes out for drinks.

And, believe it or not, the same thing happens in real life.

In the spiritual realm, there are no ethics, no right or wrong, no good or bad, no black and white. We come from this non-physical environment of complete acceptance and neutrality, jump into the physical realm to experience such things as density, effort, emotions, dichotomies, contrast, time, and space, learn a bit about how to navigate through such things, how to manifest into form, and then when we’re done we climb back out and into the pool of light and love.

Actually, we’re already there at the same time we’re in the physical realm, it’s just that our physical parts can’t easily comprehend both states at once. Our essential selves can – our essential selves Know that we’re continuously connected in both worlds.

Think of how being aware in this larger way can completely change your view of reality! People who you don’t like are simply cast members of your own show. Situations you don’t like are simply scenarios that you’ve written into your life-script through your own thoughts and beliefs.

I’m in the midst of planning my wedding, and my intention is that it be a healing experience, a coming together of family and friends, a celebration of love and joy and all good things in life. I’ve made steps in this direction by connecting with my fiancé’s family, and by connecting him with mine, and by connecting our mothers with each other, so that even though half of us live on opposite coasts, we’ll have a sense of getting along and good feelings with each other before all meeting before the event.

When compiling the guest list, I automatically invited a family member ‘because it was the right thing to do’ even though it didn’t ‘feel’ right. This person played the role of abuser in our family, terrorizing everyone and their behavior hasn’t really changed, it’s just less frequent as we don’t all live together any more.

When I received his letter responding to the invitation, I didn’t open it for three days, because I like to time when I’m going to be upset (I had clients to meet with, a class to teach, readings to give, and I like to be in a clear emotional space when doing these things).

As it turned out, they’re choosing not to attend my wedding, which is a great relief! Stepping back, I see that my fiancé and I have set an energy of love and community that hasn’t attracted someone who lives in a different vibratory level.

Stepping back even more and viewing the Bigger Picture, this person is actually a being of light that I was really excited about interacting with when my light came into physical form within this family grouping. They, however, already had accumulated an amount of contrast and disharmony and so our lights never really connected. Some years ago I realized that they never would during this lifetime. And that it was okay, because at the end of this film, when the cameras stop rolling, we’ll all get out of costumes and makeup and go out for drinks. On some level, we are doing that already.

My experience with people who have already passed is that I connect with their essence, not their personality. They become easier to talk with (even if they’re harder to hear). So it is with anyone in now physical form with challenging issues; we can talk about it after the cameras have stopped rolling.

I no longer see this world as a school with required lessons to learn in order to progress up through spiritual grade levels or hold the belief that if you don’t learn specific lessons you have to repeat the class again. That’s a very linear perception of spiritual reality. Not every issue needs to be resolved in this life time and it doesn’t necessarily carry over to any future life.

Life is about fine-tuning one’s focus and bringing desires into form. The only purpose any of us have is to create. I’m choosing to navigate into more pleasant experiences of reality, and I’m also at choice with whom I have as cast members in my Reality Show.

Perfect Timing ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

Perfect Timing ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

Today I’m musing about timing. I’ve been having things come into form that have taken ten years to manifest. My first book, originally written in April of 1996, has just been self published. I’m getting a handle on money issues that have been around at least that long, if not longer. I’m in a relationship that’s everything I’ve always wanted – and have been consciously praying for and energetically working on manifesting since the early 80’s.

Then I think about manifestations from my earlier years – my two kids were planned pregnancies that occurred without effort, with quick births, yet they had their own timing for being born.

Why do some things happen quickly and some things take forever to show up?

When I was a teenager I lost 50 pounds, simply by charting what I ate, limiting calories, and walking to school and back every day (about 5 or 6 miles). It took most of a year to do this, and was tremendously transformative and empowering.

Buoyed by this experience, I set my sights on a relationship, which took about five months to get the guy to go out with me. It was initially wonderful but then heart breaking.

As I look back over my different life experiences, some consciously manifested, some unconsciously attracted, and there has been a sense of Divine Timing in all of it.

“The Universe gives you what you can handle” is one way of looking at it. You attract what you’re ready for, is another way. I’ve resisted what the Universe has given me at times; it thinks I’m too friggin’ capable.

But now I’m reframing my experience of timing, and also of manifestation.

Someone once mentioned that reincarnation didn’t make any sense to them because everything was happening at once. I got the instant understanding that there is no time or space as Spirit, so from the Spiritual perspective all one’s past and future lives are happening ‘at the same time’ this one it. There is no linear link from past to future, it’s not like going up grades in school. And if you can grasp that in Spirit there is no individuality then there’s really no one spark of light going through a series of experiences (like grades in school). We just jump into the pool of life, splash about, and then jump out into the All-That-Is.

As I reconcile it taking me so long to get to where I am at, I realize that it really took no time at all. Each lifetime is just a blink of an eye. And what I’ve accomplished is just a glimmer of the great Spark of all of creation.

As I relax into a Spiritual perspective of creating, it really doesn’t matter how much or how little I have achieved. It’s all about Creation. It’s all about learning to manifest in the physical. I either manifest something, or I don’t. It either happens now, or later, or not. I create this, or I create something else. And I can choose to create happy thoughts, happy experiences, or challenging ones.

It becomes a much more fun way to experience life. And I can welcome all these wonderful things coming into my life and enjoy my time with them Now. Which is really the only time there is.

Internal Navigational System ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

Internal Navigational System ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

I’ve been having an amazing period of growth recently. A series of circumstances brought me yet again to another ‘bottom’ around New Years. It turned out to not be a ‘crashing through the floors to the basement’ bottoming-out, but instead I landed on my feet and discovered that I was actually on the third floor.

A kind of Divine Intervention happened to instantly restore my energy to myself, and my focus to my own life. And when I did that, I felt wonderful. If I spent any time looking at the previous five months, I felt like crap.

I’d gotten off track last summer when I began crossing my own boundaries, feeling there was something wrong with me if I felt bad when someone was inconsiderate or hurtful towards me. Something critical or insulting would be said, and instead of backing off, I would try really hard to gain outside approval.

All that evaporated over New Years. Focusing on my own life, I saw where I needed to roll up my sleeves and work, and also some really great things almost instantly manifested in my life. I suddenly felt connected with the Universe and flooded with affinity for myself and my world. I was almost giddy with self esteem. Thoughts like, “I’m the most wonderful person standing in these shoes”, “I’m the most adorable person inside this coat”, and “I’m the loveliest person in this bathroom” would pop into my head.

Random thoughts like these continue, and I feel restored to my Internal Guidance System in a way I haven’t felt in years.

Being in this place of clarity, it is much easier to choose where I want to direct my thoughts. For instance, instead of remembering how awful an experience was, I can appreciate how delightful the present is, or consciously set an intention for a future experience. What I focus on magnetically attracts more of the same. Sometimes it seems almost magical the positive and good-feeling experiences that keep flowing towards me!

I find I have to make choices about who I hang out with and be aware of the atmosphere of places in which I hang out. Some people have been quite upset with me that I’m not at the same level of drama or misery they are! Some environments are no longer comfortable for me, and that’s okay. This world is so big, so vast, there are endless choices of people to be with and places to go!

At the beginning of this article I mentioned that all this occurred with a Divine Intervention over New Years, but I realize that some of this was set into motion over a year ago. The previous December I made a decision to quit working in Bellevue because I wanted to facilitate spiritual classes. Back then I realized that I’d been operating ‘under the radar’ most of my life so that I wouldn’t be the target for my father’s criticism (this didn’t work, it only *invited* more). I realized that my life was really between myself and Source/God/Universe. So I made the decision to step forward and risk being entirely self-employed with my three businesses, even though my savings ran out in February.

This November I challenged myself further to examine my patterns about money, which has affected my relationships and my choices for most of my adult life. Each of these steps took me out of my stuck patterns and allowed my ‘Divine Intervention’. Each of these steps were course corrections, each time gaining back a little more connection to my Internal Guidance.

If you’re feeling ‘off course’ in your own life, you could look at how you’ve been navigating through your choices and actions. Have you been basing your decisions on outside approval or inner well being? Even one small change, one baby step, can start steering you towards a better feeling place. Tiny changes can start a ripple effect that can result in your whole Universe coming into alignment!

Spirals ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

Spirals ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

Years ago when I was studying to be a Transformation Game™ facilitator, Joy Drake and Kathy Tyler explained why the game went counter-clockwise rather than clockwise (the way we’re used to). It was a similar explanation to what I’d heard at Findhorn for why, when standing in a circle, we all held hands facing to the right. It’s the energy of spiritual “envolution” – i.e. spirit coming into the physical. Spiritual “evolution” goes clockwise, energy rising upwards, so to speak.

In actuality, both these things are happening at the same time. There’s a continuous flow of energy coming into form and energy being released outward towards spirit. If your focus is on attracting spiritual energy, or on bringing Spirit into form, spiritual embodiment, then your focus will be on the counter-clockwise flow of energy.

I started to notice the spiral of energy again when my friend Ian died. For months afterwards, I’d be aware of his presence intensely, and then realize that it was Friday midday, here on the West Coast. He was hit by a car on Friday afternoon in the east, in Ottawa, Ontario, and died that evening. After several instances of this, I got the impression that he was experiencing connections with the physical dimension at certain times, almost like going through a cycle, or perhaps where the two spirals of energy meet.

Recently I’ve been talking a lot about growth cycles and using the metaphor of remodeling one’s house to explain spiritual growth. If you think of your life as a house, and when you’re born your parents fill you with all their information about living and existence. When you start to consciously take over your existence, you begin to remodel your house. This can take some people years to get around to, especially if they spent a formative part of their lives in a dysfunctional situation or frying their systems on drugs or alcohol. So you find yourself in the basement, moving out your parents’ information, or rebuilding your foundation if you decimated your life up to that point. When you’re complete with that cycle, you move to the next level. People get discouraged because the next level may look similar to the one they went through previously – damn, that same wall paper, damn the same plastic pipes (didn’t I just replace these with copper ones?). In actuality, you’re on a different floor, you’ve made progress! And the skills you learned on previous floors, plumbing, electricity, wiring, sheet rock, wall papering, whatever, will help make this floor and the floors to come so much easier to remodel.

I’ve been through some life experiences where I’ve felt like I’ve been knocked back to a previous floor – sometimes this shows that my original foundation wasn’t strong enough. Most recent changes have proven that the floor beneath me is solid; I just need to gain some new skills to handle the present construction challenges!

When I combined the remodeling metaphor with the concept of spirals, I found they go together so well and gave me a deeper insight into our process of spiritual growth. We’re progressing along a spiral and as we reach a certain point in the curve, it may seem to resemble the one below it, but in reality we’re at the next level.

If you’re feeling frustrated with where you are in your life, take a look at your own life in terms of the bigger picture, the cycles of the spiral you’ve been through (or the different floors you’ve remodeled). Realize that your building is never ending, you’ll never get it completed because there will be always something new to improve upon or change. You don’t need to make it perfect because even imperfection is perfect in the eyes of Spirit. Just have fun and enjoy the process.

Know that energy is never stuck, it is always moving, even if it seems to be moving too slowly! Even by doing nothing, you’ll eventually progress and find yourself at a different part of the spiral. Depending on the intensity of your remodeling plans, you may want to take a more active part in your choices or actions (but sometimes letting go and letting Spirit is the best action plan).

When I let myself be in alignment with Spirit, or Source, and make my choices according to my internal navigational system (does this feel clear? Does this feel good? Does this feel staticy? Do I feel resistance?) then the journey along the spiral is fun. When I use outdated information or am concerned about what others think of my process and base my steps on them, then it’s a lot more painful than fun, and the remodel usually has to get torn down and rebuilt. Oh, I just love mixing my metaphors!

This message showed up in your inbox today for a reason (or you chose to open it at this time for a reason; perhaps it’s been sitting there waiting for this right moment)! Think about how it applies to your life and if it gives you any insight into how you are or could be creating your own reality. May it give you the clues you’ve been looking for, and feel free to pass this on to anyone else who may need it!`

Channeling About Changes ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

Channeling About Changes ©2006 Joan M. McCabe

1/1/06

I started this as a journal entry, but ended up finding myself ‘channeling’ information. It’s not channeling like Ramtha or Seth, where the channeler actually brings the being into their own physical body. I would find that uncomfortable, like giving my car keys to some dead being and saying, go ahead, drive my car! This was ‘channeling’ more in line with Dorothy MacLean or perhaps Eileen Caddy. It felt like almost hearing the information yet having a choice of words to use at times.

I’d been struggling with the topic for the next issue of Joan’s Journal – Musings of a Modern Mystic and it occurred to me that this is it.

This doesn’t feel dramatic. A lot of dramatic things are happening and my body is mystified by the disintegration of everything but this had to happen for the new to come in.

It’s unfortunate some of it is painful. It’s unfortunate some of it is scary. Those are vibrations on this planet; those are body reactions to change. Body is a solidifier, it is a manifesting machine; it brings energy together and densifies it. Thought is emitted from the brain, part of the densifying process.

You are shifting your reality and awareness to a higher plane (again). You are rising out of a level of limitation, lack, loss. Using the metaphor of remodeling a house – you are moving through or disintegrating walls of perception that have kept you stuck for years.

You are becoming more of a light body, we all are, it is what is going to happen on every level, but on your level of perception the physical body will be releasing denser molecules. People will experience this in different ways, through illness, through loss in their reality, through external/natural causes. All is designed to look at what is essential reality, what is important, what is/are the basics – each person will have the opportunity to experience miracles in their life. Some will choose to release the physical and work only in the energetic. None will miss out on the opportunity. It is planetary although it will happen in stages, in waves, in different geographical areas at different times. This has happened before in human history – the story of Noah in the Bible, the legend of Atlantis. No, the world is not necessarily going to be overcome by water although water has been a powerful catalyst for change so far [tsunami/Katrina].

If you get caught up in such an occurrence look at your individual manifestation within the group – we come together in locations as groups and our predominant thoughts manifest the predominant reality. And even so within it there have been individuals who have been spared or miss the event entirely – people who chose not to go to work on 9/11, people whose holiday plans to Indonesia were changed [tsunami], people who were called out of the south on business or family matters [Katrina].

As each of you learn to shine your individual lights to rise above mass consciousness, connecting to Source, brining in the vibration of Well-Being, you will each transcend what is happening in the lower vibrations. It is the lower vibrations which are falling away.

You have described your own process as feeling like ‘molting’ and that is exactly what is happening. That which you created or attracted from that limiting space, the smaller skin if you will, is falling away. It is scary if you believe it is the only reality but you have had enough experience with change, transitions, growth, moving in and out of different situations, that you will move through this one with skill and grace – transformation will come quickly (at least it will seem to do so; you have actually been working on this manifestation for years – chipping away at these walls to open into a new space of being)/

Share this with the world. Let your blog become more frequent communications with others. Speak your voice – sound your tune into the world, you are one of the vibrators of Now. Many are saying similar things and their voices each reach different ears. We seek to reach as many ears as possible to wake them to their own inner knowing, that they have a choice on how to experience this Coming of Age, their shifting can be painful or awkward, or graceful and with ease. All of you can choose to be in agreement with the coming changes. All of you can line up your individual wills, your individual souls, with the Divine Will, align with Source and thus experience all these transitions more easily, choosing from your inner wisdom and inner knowing.

As to how – Ask and it shall be giving, you will be drawn to books, classes, teachers, how to do if for You.

Not Reacting Dramatically – even if events seem dramatic! ©2005 Joan M. McCabe

Not Reacting Dramatically – even if events seem dramatic! ©2005 Joan M. McCabe

My spiritual learning this year has been not to react dramatically, even if events seem dramatic! It started off with some fairly easy lessons that came from being in two plays simultaneously. Anyone who has been involved in theatre knows that often there’s more drama going on backstage than out in front of the audience! In times’ past, I would have been in the thick of it, emotionally belly flopping from one interaction to another. Yet this time I found myself being ‘at choice’ about whether to react or respond.

Reacting is allowing something outside oneself to initiate one’s actions. Responding is initiating an action from within to whatever if happing outside. Using one of the plays as an example, I came into the dressing room one night and someone made a comment. This comment could have hurt my feelings if I’d reacted to it. Instead I made note of it, chose not to say anything, and went about preparing for my role. Who knows why that person said what they did? On a performance night, nerves are high, emotions are on edge, and things pop out of people’s mouths, bypassing their brains. If I’d reacted, it could have caused a ricochet of bad feelings bouncing all around the cast. Instead I didn’t take it personally, I chose not to let it in nor influence me, so I had the energy to focus on what I needed to do that night.

It’s amazing how many things don’t need to be reacted to, and don’t even need to be responded to right away. Last December I received an inflammatory email from a family member, and I took three days to respond. I had to read the email three times to decipher the message from the emotional attack of the words. It was then fairly easy to give a clear response without creating an argument.

Sometimes it’s events that seem dramatic. A couple years ago I had a weekend where several things converged – it was the final performances of a previous play, the final days of a parent’s visit, the middle of a health concern for me and I also happened to be moving that Sunday. That Saturday night I came home to discover my dog had been poisoned, requiring me to take the last ferry to Seattle from the island I live on, drive to Tacoma to an all-night animal hospital, and drive to Port Orchard to take the first ferry back onto the island, just in time to meet the movers. Somewhere in the midst of all that driving, I wondered how I was going to manage it all, when I found myself sayings, ‘this isn’t a crises, it’s an event!” Somehow reframing it in a different term helped me deal with it by responding rather than reacting to each successive thing needed of me.

As often happens with life learnings, once you learn the initial lesson, you’re given opportunities to practice your skills on an ever increasing level. So this year, when my plays finished, I got to practice my responding rather reacting with the house I was renting and the house’s owner. As the roof began leaking, the dryer broke, black mold appeared throughout the house, and the front door fell apart, without any repairs being made, I had many chances to curb my reactions and eventually responded by choosing to move.

Responding rather than reacting means that I’ve taken time to be clear about how I’m viewing the situation. I give myself time to notice whether I’m looking at things through ‘slides of the past’ or through the clear window of the present moment. It doesn’t mean not having the emotions that may come up; it just means not responding with ones especially if they’re particularly overwhelming. I find that if I’m having overwhelming feelings, there’s a good chance they’re coming up from past events rather than what’s happening right in front of me. I give myself time either to sit with the feelings, meditate and journal about them, or distract myself by exercising, watching a funny movie, etc., until I’ve gained clarity about what’s going on inside me.

This summer I began a new relationship which has been a great opportunity to clear ‘slides of the past’ and to practice responding rather than reacting! The more my heart opens, the more vulnerable I become, and my emotions are more on the surface. Every time I check out what is really happening I find that my ‘past slides’ are completely distorting the truth of the present moment. The more in the present moment I am, the more I’m able to enjoy and appreciate what is.

My most recent lesson is around health, and I’m using the learning from two years ago to help with my present response. I’ve been taking the time to reflect on what may be within me that created my body being out of alignment, and to redirect any thoughts that may steer me towards an undesired outcome. I believe there is tremendous creativity between symptoms and diagnosis and that it’s possible to completely transform results before they happen. Two years ago I was on an emotional roller coaster, exacerbated by my own imagination, so this time I’m choosing to respond from a more grounded place and so far it’s been working. (Stay tuned to future issues for more on this subject!)

Inner Voice ©2005 Joan M. McCabe

Inner Voice ©2005 Joan M. McCabe

We all have a direct connection with Spirit – however you want to define it. It’s like we each have an internal cellular modem connection to the Cosmic Internet.

We’re constantly receiving communication from Spirit, and every thought we think is a communication to Spirit. What blocks our clear connection is assumptions – that we have to go through another source (a priest, a medium, anyone outside oneself) in order to access our connection, that we have to “hear” actual words, that we have to be really, really good in order to deserve it, or what it is that’s communicating with us!

Everyone has the ability to connect, no matter how young, old, good, bad, heathen or enlightened. Everyone has their own unique way of receiving information as well. I know of only one person who could hear actual words, an ability she didn’t discover until she was about 40. Most people receive impressions or pictures. Some people use a tool such as Tarot or the I Ching. Some people write (not necessarily automatic writing).

We can receive information more easily when we’re clear and aligned. For some people this requires daily meditation, others practice yoga. Some have to be in a location such as a Church, Synagogue, or Mosque (I view these as ‘public phone booths’). I knew one man who only felt alive hanging off the side of a mountain – many people feel more connected when they’re out in nature, away from the over stimulation of the city. Time of day can be important – early morning seems to be a popular time for prayer and contemplation. The middle of the night can be a time of clarity, when most people are asleep.

People’s concept of God can interfere with receiving communication. Charlton Heston isn’t necessarily a person many of us would want to neither confide in nor receive advice from! An expectation that it is male or female can hit up against our past experience of communication with our parents.

I’ve gone through many shifts of awareness in my connection with Spirit. After overcoming my initial resistance to a parental figure in the sky, my first clear communication was in the shower. I think it was something about the running water or soap in my ears. Later, my awareness became more expansive – I’d put out a request while driving and suddenly everything would become brighter and more focused. For a long time I would carry a journal and write in it frequently – both my communications to Spirit and also from.

Writing worked well for me because it would concretely validate the impressions I was picking up. If I just meditated in the morning and opened myself to communication, I wouldn’t necessarily remember what I received. What I found with writing is that I didn’t hear words, but received impressions that I’d “translate” – sometimes having to make a choice over specific words. Often I’d experience frustration because I’d ask very specific questions and then get what I’d consider vague answers. Then I realized, my questions were like complaining about a particular tree, with my nose up against the bark and what was coming back to me was a universal perspective about the whole forest!!

A playful visualization that I use is to image a great cosmic library where I go to ask questions. When I first started doing this I’d picture going to a reference desk and being giving huge books that I believe were symbolic encapsulizations of information. Now I find myself being handed CDs! I imagine taking this information and letting it settle into the top of my head, so that I can receive the data when I’m ready to absorb it.

Sometimes Spirit communicates to me through others, through things they directly say to me or comments I overhear. Sometimes I’ll notice a ‘theme’ in my life of occurrences, which I see as a comment from the Universe. I no longer feel a separation between this energy and myself – it’s not a disembodied voice in the clouds, it’s not something older or wiser, because it’s a greater part of me. I believe only 20% of ourselves manifest through our physical form, and the remaining 80% is a gradually increasing higher vibration from the personality level to our higher spiritual Selves. So I AM ‘Spirit’ at my highest level, and when I am clear and aligned, more of me comes through on this denser level of Life that we’re all jointly experiencing.

I find that when I’m at my clearest and most aligned, I feel light and playful. Feeling serious usually means I’m viewing things from a lower, more limited awareness. Regular connection with Spirit makes life so much more fun and opens up worlds of possibilities.

Notice what works best for you. Experiment with different ways, play around with different techniques. Make a game of it. You can even ask ‘what’s the best way for me’? And see what comes to you! It may not be the same thing every time (although for some people regularity, sticking to the same technique, making a habit of it, is what makes it more real for them). Let yourself be open to your own, unique, inner voice and notice how your life is enhanced by the connection.

Spiritual Parenting ©2005 Joan M. McCabe

My philosophy is that I’ve manufacturer my kids’ bodies, but they’re the drivers of their own physical vehicles. I’ve given them some rudimentary driving lessons, but they’re the ones with the keys, and they inherently know the route they’re taking through this lifetime. I also believe they accumulate experiences to prepare them for wherever they’re going.

Unlike those who view children as blank slates or as lumps of clay that require molding, I see them as treasure chests of wondrous knowledge. My inclination with my children is to step back and see what they reveal to me, and it is continuously miraculous what they come up with.

My eldest and I had some challenges when he was younger, some of it being basic personality styles. He gets energized being around people, I get depleted. He’s high testosterone, very athletic, likes team sports. I’m very self-contained and like to meditate. Early on I saw a potentially unhealthy dynamic and realized I had to change some patterns. One decision I made is that I was ‘on his side’. I saw myself as his advocate in situations with school and sports. Even if we disagreed on something, I still held the space of being ‘on his side’. The other decision I made was to not give him anything to rebel against. I had some bottom-line rules (no bloodshed in the house, and no football in the house as well) but practiced non-resistance about anything else. I also developed a technique of ‘aikido’ so that any energy coming my way I would step aside and let pass. He could get angry, but with no resistance on my part to fan the flames, it would subside quickly.

What developed was a child who is very self-disciplined and self-directed, who is well aware of his passions and his abilities. He has the space to make his own decisions and determine his own direction through this life. He finds great joy in things that hold no interest for me, but I fully support him in pursuing. I’ve spend many a freezing evening watching a sporting event whose rules are incomprehensible to me, hearing his name mentioned many times over the loud speaker for what, I don’t know, because I love my son.

My youngest requires a different parenting style but has always been easier to live with. There was only one time where we had a disagreement (in Barnes & Noble, when I insisted that he pick out a gift for a friend’s birthday party) and I discovered a will stronger than mine – we would have sat there until closing time if I hadn’t capitulated. He’s self contained, like me, and requires a lot of ‘down time’ to recover from school. His passion is movies and he intends on being a filmmaker. He’s also a phenomenal writer, with a sarcastic tone saved for school papers whose topics he deems unchallenging (which are most of them).

Another aspect of my ‘hands-off’ approach to parenting is that I never pester them about their homework. I asked my youngest the other day how he’d feel if I did nag him about it and he said ‘I wouldn’t feel like doing it!’
Both of my kids are ‘self-made men’ in their own unique way. The oldest is a straight-A student, very ‘nose-to-the-grindstone’ about his studies. He reads a book a week to ‘exercise his brain’, leave the house at 5:30am to lift weights before school, is a varsity athlete in three different sports, and is taking Russian as an independent study for his school language. The youngest gets straight-As because it’s easy (he could read at an 11th grade level in 5th grade), and is presently working on his fourth screen play (I think he’s waiting until he’s in high school to start actually filming his work, although he did a pretty good version of the ‘Blair Witch Project’ on his dad’s camcorder when he was in elementary school).

To me this is all the more amazing considering the circumstances they came from. Their dad was a covert cocaine addict until the youngest was a year old (now many years in recovery), so the atmosphere in the house back then was crazy. They weathered the divorce and loss of the house they were born in, and seven moves (between both parents’ homes) in seven years.

Sometimes I wonder how I’d feel if one or both of my kids take a U-turn from their present paths into drugs and acting out (something that has worried me since it’s in their family background and both their parents were practically juvenile delinquents at their ages). In imagining such things, I see myself as still loving them and also detaching from their behavior. If they choose to drive their vehicles down such roads, they’ll definitely be learning something from the result of their actions!

I see them as capable beings who’ve each chosen the circumstances they came into, as part of the required experiences they intended to accumulate to help them get to wherever they’re ending up going to. I see them as collecting both spiritual and social merit badges in a surprisingly balanced way. I’m quite curious to see what routes they’ll be taking and what sights they’ll be seeing on this adventurous journey called life.

Non-Resistance© 2005 Joan M. McCabe

Non-Resistance© 2005 Joan M. McCabe
Abraham-Hicks says that there is only Source Energy and resistance to Source; that there is no darkness, no evil, only resistance. Long ago I realized that evil was just our Collective Consciousness of negative emotions and thoughts, and that if we’re engaged in an addiction or compulsively dwelling on negative topics, we’re contributing to this ‘pool’ of black energy.

So there is only Source Energy, which is both the Creative Source in this Universe and also our Essence, and there is resistance to source. Every thought we think goes out like a request to Source. So if we think, ‘I’d so like to have a new hybrid car’ – Source immediately receives the request and goes about manifesting it for us. However if our next thought is ‘but I can’t afford it’ then we’ve immediately negated the request. We’ve put out our own resistance to Source. Every time we see someone drive by in a new hybrid car and resentfully think, ‘yeah, well, they’re rich enough to afford it’ – then we’ve put out resistance to Source.

We’ve learned patterns of resistance from our childhood, inherited from previous generations, adopted from various peer groups and cultural influences, so that now life is like playing ‘bumpo-cars’ (like at the seaside or amusement parks where you drive little electric cars with huge rubber bumpers in this arena where the point is to bump into everyone else; a major whiplash opportunity and undoubtedly a chiropractor’s nightmare) rather than an enjoyable Disneyland where dreams really do come true.

In previous issues I’ve talked about techniques to release energy from within one’s space, ways to let go of one’s inner resistance to Source. Non-Resistance is a concept and a technique to not absorb resistance from outside oneself – how to avoid the other bumpo-cars on the road, so to speak. Imagine yourself to be transparent, your molecules loose and relaxed so that negative energy passes right through them. Originally this technique was called Body of Glass, and if that works for you, then it’s a great visual image for you to use. I have two rambunctious sons who’ve managed to break windows or mirrors in several houses that we’ve lived in, so that image no longer works for me! The idea of being transparent, the sensation of my molecules having space between them, so that negative energy passes through me like a summer breeze through a screen door, works well for me.

Consider what driving through rush hour traffic could be like, if you were Non-Resistant! Consider what telling your teenager to clean their room could be like from Non-Resistance! You could maintain your own inner serenity, life could be pleasant, others could be free to experience their own reality and you needn’t contribute to their resistance nor the resistance of the Collective Consciousness!

Last week I had a non-resistant experience based on my own choices. I had to go into Seattle (note the word ‘had’- I was primed for resistance!) for a meeting, and chose to make the best use of my time by visiting all the PCC Natural Markets and putting up business cards on their bulletin boards. Because my meeting took twice as long as anticipated, it was now rush hour when I started on my drive through the city. I caught my ‘I hate rush hour traffic’ thought and decided that I would take the scenic route to all my destinations. This meant that I drove through areas with parks, I enjoyed the sunset reflecting off the clouds, I noticed all the Christmas lights that were still up on people’s houses, the beautiful different kinds of buildings there are in the city, and even on ‘ugly’ apartment buildings, some residents had their balconies filled with plants and wind chimes! I ended up spending nearly five hours winding my way from North Seattle down to the south end and to the West Seattle ferry dock, feeling relaxed and even joyous about my journey. I appreciated all the unique and wonderful people in the world and the creative ways they decorated their homes, no matter how humble their abodes may be. I realized how much I love Seattle, and how fun it is to know all the little ins and outs of a city so that I could go the ‘scenic route’. And then I got to ride the ferry back to my island feeling very content and happy indeed.

So, notice whether your life is more like ‘bumpo cars’ or are you taking the scenic route on your path? Non-resistance is a series of moment-to-moment choices on how to respond or react to life’s circumstances. How do you choose to experience life, from this moment forward?

Shame ©2005 Joan M. McCabe

Shame ©2005 Joan M. McCabe

Oh, I don’t want to write this article – just the idea of it makes me uncomfortable. I publish this e-zine not only to share my ideas with the world, but also in the hopes of attracting clients. I’m afraid that people will reject me if I present what I’ve experienced about this subject. However, when the topic arises (in this case, three times in recent succession) it is obvious that the Universe is prodding me to talk about it.

Shame is the gift that keeps on giving – it permeates generations and societies. It’s also the blanket that blocks the Light – one’s own Source Energy and ability to create. Shame tells you that you are not okay, not loveable, nor worthy, that your actions and ideas are wrong, that you are less than what you truly are. Which is a big, fat lie, to put it less than poetically. You *are* Source Energy, you *are* Light, you are *Buddha*, you *are* a Christed Being, you *are* at your very essence, Love.

This playground that we call the World is a planet of possibilities and a planet of dichotomies. We come from an existence that is pure ecstatic energy to learn about manifesting through physical form, which involves density, effort, emotions (other than Joy), time and space, good and bad, all of which does not exist in the non-physical, spiritual realm. Spirit has no ethics, no good or bad, so whatever we create is a valuable learning experience. Shame included.

It occurs to me that shame is a part of our Spiritual Merit Badges. I’ve mentioned before that we have Social Merit Badges – the right house, the right spouse, the right job, the right car, etc. and we have Spiritual Merit Badges based on our life experiences, what has given us depth, has helped us to grow. Often things that give us Spiritual Merit Badges have to do with the loss of Social ones, and to those that are caught up in the pursuit of Social Merit Badges, Spiritual ones are invisible. There’s a tremendous amount of judgment attached to not having Social Merit Badges and to going through the experience of gaining Spiritual Merit Badges – and that’s where shame comes in.

My recent experience with shame is about where I live. In 2003 I made some choices to downsize my expenses, and ended up living in a manufactured home on five acres near a nature preserve. The location is wonderful – private, surrounded by trees, and there are trails from the back of my house into the nature preserve and a small lake. The house, however, is a 1984 brown box that barely contains my two rowdy teenage boys, my dog and me. It’s only $800 a month for 3 bedrooms and 2 baths (2 bathrooms are important if you have adolescent males in your family – trust me, you really don’t want to share the same facilities they use). In moving here I gave up my office space, so I no longer have a place I’m comfortable seeing clients – in fact I’m ashamed to have *anyone* but my closest friends see where I live now. It just doesn’t measure up to the place I lived growing up, or when I was married. To compound my own shame, my son doesn’t want to bring his girlfriend to our house – her family is quite well-off and he doesn’t want her to see where he lives.

This shame is quite small in comparison to others on my list of Merit Badges I’ve accumulated in this lifetime. Some of it was gifted me by others – my father was abusive and adulterous and yet was the prime bestower of shame in our family. His emotional and verbal abuse was so severe that psychiatrists recommended that I not live at home when I was 16.

Some of my shame was created by my own choices and actions or non-actions. There have been times in my life where I’ve been on food stamps and have had to go to the Food Bank to feed my growing boys – poverty is steeped with shame. Shame causes one to work below the radar – which is not altogether a bad thing. Because of this inherent feeling of not knowing how to live in this world, I’ve made alternative choices in my life, which has stretched and grown me as an individual.

Shame can be quite paralyzing – one feels unable to move forward in life and career, it’s difficult to make eye contact, and makes it painful to be seen. It is so hard to talk about, and yet the only way to de-energize it is to bring it to light.

We have the ability to release shame and to completely change our reality. It starts with becoming aware that there is only Light, and resistance to Light. We can choose to be in alignment, that is standing in the stream of Well-Being, of this Light or – not. Realizing that it’s not about anyone else, just you and You, your Source, you can let go of what the rest of Society is projecting, what your government is doing, what people may be whispering. They’re Light, too, and their resistance is totally up to them.

When I bring my focus inward to my own Light Source, then it changes my vibration, which then changes what I’m emitting outward, and also what I’m attracting into my life. Suddenly I’m no longer in situations that cause shame and no longer hanging out with people who judge. I can re-frame my perception of reality; choose better-feeling thoughts, which leads to an increasing sense of serenity and even joy. This is the way to truly change the world – imagine the power of each of us emanating well-being, self acceptance, and love!

I started doing this consistently last summer and it lifted me out of not only a period of mourning for a friend’s death, but a long-standing depression as well. My recent experiences with shame (certain people coming to my house when I really wished they hadn’t seen where I lived) I’ve reframed as a gift to bring this issue to light, an opportunity to de-energize yet another deterrent to being on my path.

I invite you to try this yourself. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time or effort; it can simply be a matter of moment to moment choices. Catch yourself if your thoughts slide towards the negative and pick something slightly better feeling. Increase your spiritual practice or do anything that makes you feel better (daily walks, viewing romances instead of action movies, turning to the comedy channel instead of CNN). Realize that you *are* Light yourself, a wondrous and lovely being who has chosen this body to play in this world of dichotomies, and you are at choice every moment how much fun you're going to experience while you're here! Try this consistently for the next couple weeks and see how it changes your world!

Uterine Soliloquy – a sequel Or, “To Bleed or not to Bleed?” ©2003 Joan M. McCabe

This sequel came out both in the Ticket in September 2003, and on www.kotapress.com about six weeks later...

Uterine Soliloquy – a sequel Or, “To Bleed or not to Bleed?” ©2003 Joan M. McCabe

Women have been sharing with me their happy uterus and not-so-happy hysterectomy stories. One woman had a myomectomy (an operation just to remove the fibroids) after years of heavy periods and successfully kept her uterus. She validated for me how much time and attention this constant bleeding takes – I’d been questioning how much of my day this issue occupied.

Another woman shared that she’d had a hysterectomy – which her insurance covered – only after she’d run out of money for alternative therapies – which her insurance didn’t cover. She didn’t know there were other medical, surgical and non-surgical treatment options that her insurance most likely would have paid for.

Another told me that she developed fibroids when she was 46 and is 52 now. She still has heavy periods but has learned how to deal with them. For example, she lives on Maury Island and during her period can’t drive from her house to the ferry without flooding through her pants, so she just brings a backpack with a change of clothes. (I listened to this and thought, and men wonder why menopausal women are so grouchy!)

A colleague of mine had a vaginal hysterectomy for fibroids. The doctors had underestimated how large the tumors were, and they tore ligaments as they were being taken out. She is now facing reconstructive surgery.

An acquaintance of mine manages her heavy periods from fibroids by using a special herbal tincture which prevents flooding.

A woman I know had taken the Pill for two months to stop bleeding and then underwent a fibroid embolization. During the procedure she suffered a pulmonary embolism – a blood clot in her lung (a side effect of the Pill) and nearly died.

After the Ticket article came out, I received an anonymous voicemail from a woman sharing her fibroid story – over 20 years ago had a myomectomy, had an easy time getting pregnant, and the fibroids never returned.

A good friend had battled endometriosis since her mid twenties and finally had a complete hysterectomy – ovaries and all – in her early thirties. Now, in her late thirties and after being on hormone replacement therapy for five years, her endometriosis has grown back.

Myself, I’ve been through a series of events and revelations that have brought about a breakthrough and perhaps a miracle in my own fibroid journey.

I’d bled all August, even while taking 3-6 birth control pills a day to try to stop it. (Normally a woman only needs to take one a day to prevent her period). Also, I’d been having heartburn and an uncomfortable sense of fullness, a pressure on my diaphragm. When I was pregnant with both my kids, I had three months of morning sickness and six months of heartburn. Could I be having heartburn because this fibroid was the size of a three month old fetus? Was the pressure from this tumor pushing my organs upwards? (Later I learned that they actually do measure fibroids in terms of fetal size. “I have a 4 month fibroid.” “I have a 12 week fibroid.”)

One weekend I went to the Hood Canal and had a breakthrough while walking the labyrinths at Harmony Hills, which is known for their retreats for cancer patients. I felt my inner wisdom surfacing - I don’t need to fight Western Medicine – I can take all the time I need to decide how I want to create my reality. Also, I’d questioned my sanity in desiring someone to be with me on this journey and realized it’s entirely possible that someone out there could get on this boat midstream. I needed to release all my limiting thoughts and beliefs.

A few days later I had a Body Talk session with Katarina Hirsch. She mentioned that my stomach was soft. Yeah, with the amount of ice cream I’d been eating recently she was probably feeling a good five extra pounds of fat. But she was right. Before my stomach had been hard and smooth – the same way your abdomen feels when pregnant. This felt jelly like, the way it feels after giving birth. And I no longer had heartburn or a sense of fullness.

My acupuncturist was concerned about possible side affects from taking so much of the Pill for so long. Yes I’d had occasional heart palpitations, and a catching of my breath, but I’d talked with my doctor who wasn’t concerned. I decided she was being overly cautious. But one Sunday morning, I felt a deep pressure on my chest, momentarily making it hard to breath. It was followed by chest pain. I sat there with my eyes closed wondering how seriously to take the symptoms. No way in hell did I want to call doctors for anything. The only medical professionals I wanted to hear from were Johns Hopkins about my participating in their clinical trials. When I got home I looked up the Pill on the Mayo clinic’s home page, and its various side affects. I had a whole lot that fell into the category of pulmonary embolism. It said you could be accumulating several small clots over time. I read that the treatment, beyond major hospitalization, was to take ibuprofen or aspirin. So I stopped the pill cold-turkey and began taking several ibuprofen every four hours. I felt another episode than evening, and another Monday morning, and none after that.

When the flooding kicked in again, I chose not to resist it. I’d been fighting my bleeding for months. What would happen if I just stocked up on tampons and pads and considered it a never-ending period? Some pre-menopausal women have periods that last for six months, so I could just pretend this fibroid-caused bleeding is the same thing. I also stocked up on iron supplements and vitamin B12. I ordered tinctures from Joseph Montagna, a healer in Portland (http://www.alternativescentral.com/) and felt an immediate reaction. I gave my photo to Tammy Dunakin, to take to John of God in Brazil, a miraculous healer to people who visit him and those who send their photos, (http://www.johnofgod.com/ ). The flooding ebbed back to a regular period flow – just the same as in August taking 3-6 birth control pills a day.

I felt in the midst of something momentous. It’s taken a huge amount of energy to break through this wall of prevalent reality – the predominant belief of Western Medicine to cut first and ask questions later. (Kind of like the Bush Administration) I’d been hitting my face against this wall through my own resistance, which is not the energy that’s going to create my present needed miracle. When I fight something, I give it power; I actually attract what I’m resisting. After seeing ‘Whalerider’ I dreamt that I’m on an island trying to leave and keep hitting the Great Barrier Reef. I’d been using the metaphor of being on a river and hitting white water to describe my journey so far, having no idea where I’d end up. Perhaps my destination is the open ocean?

I joined the Y – because I used to exercise when I had periods, so why not now? This fibroid has controlled my quality of life long enough.

I stopped giving attention to Western Medicine’s version of reality. I aligned myself only with people who’ve experienced miracles within them. I’m inspired by a woman I know healed herself of an ectopic pregnancy. Another who recovered from post-polio syndrome; a year ago she could barely walk and now she’s hoofing it everywhere. A woman who was diagnosed with scleroderma and given five years to live, even less when it spread to her brain – and the disease is completely gone from her system now, six years later. And last week a new friend told me that several years ago it was discovered that she had a tumor growing from her jugular vein up to her eardrum. She had just had three dates with this guy and told him he didn’t have to stay with her as it was going to get ugly and hard – she didn’t know if she was going to live or die. He chose to stay by her through two surgeries and radiation and is now her husband. It made me realize that it’s possible to have someone get on board with you in the midst of white water. Encouraged by these amazing women, I got very clear that what I’d like to happen is for this continuous bleeding to stop and to go back to having regular periods.

I get Dr. Christiane Northrup’s book “The Wisdom of Menopause’ from the library and find at last the sensible and balanced information I’d been seeking about having fibroids. It lists reasons to keep your uterus, cervix and ovaries. Two stood out for me. The first was that ovaries are the equivalent of the male testes, producing hormones involved in normal sex drive, “Removal of the ovaries literally castrates the female” it says! The second was that the uterus has rhythmic contractions during orgasm, and many women no longer experience the depth of sexual pleasure after hysterectomy. I discover that her ‘Women’s Body, Women’s Wisdom’ has been on my book shelf all along – and it contains similar information.

My photo went to Brazil on September 22nd. On September 24th, my bleeding stopped. Five months and ten days after it started. I don’t know if it’s the acupuncture or the tinctures, John of God, or my change of attitude. I suspect it’s a combination of all three. People tell me I seem softer and more relaxed. It’s true I no longer feel frightened or desperate or urgent. I’m curious to see what happens now. Will I have regular periods again? Have I stopped altogether? It’s amazing all the changes that have happened since April.

Johns Hopkins emailed that they have 200 women on their waiting list and are only accepting one new patient a week. Good thing I’m no longer waiting for a miracle from them!

And to think I could have had a hysterectomy in August.